Arranged Marriage
by The Deuteragonist
Summary: How to bring peace to the world? How to solve an age-old clan feud? How to make two oblivious boys realize something that has long been obvious to everyone else? A matchmaking conspiracy, of course! Naruto/Sasuke.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Kishi owns Naruto and company.

Warning: Spoilers up to chapter 476.

Plot notes: Assume that Naruto reformed Sasuke, and Naruto + Sasuke defeated Madara (yes, I'm totally hoping that Kishi gives us this :).

* * *

Prologue

* * *

Sasuke was in a ward in Konoha Hospital, recovering from the final showdown that had ended Madara's ambitions for good. Naruto was out around town, but Sasuke had not left the hospital since returning to Konoha.

"Hey, I'm back," said Naruto, hobbling in on a pair of crutches. He plopped down on his bed, next to Sasuke's, and wriggled under the covers.

"Hmph," replied Sasuke, bored. "And I'm still here."

Naruto grinned at Sasuke's words. "You should get out a bit too," advised Naruto.

"No, thanks," said Sasuke shortly. "I don't plan on staying in this village. I'm leaving as soon as I can."

At that, Naruto's grin vanished immediately. "You know, Sasuke, a lot has happened," said Naruto quietly. "And a lot of things have changed."

"Some things don't change," said Sasuke coldly. "My family didn't belong here, and neither do I."

"That's not true!" insisted Naruto. "Those days are over!"

"What days?" demanded Sasuke.

"Days of violence, turmoil, instability, and conflict," said Naruto. "Days of everyone seeing everyone else as an enemy, no one trusting anyone else, people jumping at chances to kill each other. Days of everyone fearing a war tomorrow, even if there isn't one today. We beat Akatsuki by getting everyone together, working together, trusting each other, seeing each other as allies and friends. This is it, the beginning of finding real peace! The world's different, villages are different, Konoha's different, and…"

"And?" prompted Sasuke.

"You should stay," pleaded Naruto. "Stay here, in your hometown, and see it for yourself. We're not going to let something like the massacre of your clan happen again. So many things went wrong—Konoha's leaders treating your clan like criminals from the beginning, your clan reacting with outright rebellion, so on and so forth. People like Danzo say that peace requires 'ugly truths' and 'sacrifices,' but we don't all agree with that. We're gonna find a new way, a better way!"

"You say that like it'll be easy," taunted Sasuke. "But there's a reason why things happened the way they did in the first place."

"Yeah, self-fulfilling prophecies!" Naruto shot back. "Madara predicted that the Senju would oppress the Uchiha, but Madara's own actions prompted the Senju's suspicions towards the whole Uchiha clan. And the Hokages were afraid that the Uchihas would revolt, but their own mistrust and discrimination provoked the very reaction that they feared. So, all we have to do is stop the vicious cycle! We'll start good cycles, we'll predict good things, and we'll make them happen!"

"Sure, you go ahead and 'make good things happen,'" scoffed Sasuke. "But I'm not staying here, where everyone wants me dead!"

"That's not true!" insisted Naruto. "Some of us can understand why you felt abandoned and cornered. Konoha's leaders turned their backs on your clan. The other nations would've seen Konoha's internal problems as a weakness to exploit for their own gain. But like I said, we're not gonna do things that way anymore!"

"Okay, genius, tell me something," demanded Sasuke. "What do _you_ think I should've done after I discovered the truth?"

"Come back and tell us," replied Naruto immediately.

"And who would've believed me?" countered Sasuke. "You think Danzo would've just confessed to it in front of everyone?"

"No," replied Naruto, "but still…"

"Never mind," interrupted Sasuke. "The fact remains that I left Konoha, joined Orochimaru, joined Akatsuki, and attacked Kumo ninja, Iron Country samurai, and Konoha's acting Hokage. Don't expect everything to just be forgiven and forgotten."

"Danzo doesn't count," said Naruto quickly. "He wasn't acting like a Hokage at all. And with all his other crap—always going behind the Hokage's back, sitting on his ass during Pain's invasion, and who knows what else—I wouldn't even call him truly loyal to Konoha. As for the rest…"

"Yes?" prompted Sasuke.

"Well, it's the same with everyone," said Naruto, brows furrowing as he tried to put it properly. "You used to go about things the wrong way, but that doesn't mean there's no place for you in the future. Everybody set aside their grudges to get to where we are now…"

"That's your brilliant plan?" snorted Sasuke. "The past goes away, and we all live happily ever after?"

"No, but look at what's happened," countered Naruto. "Akatsuki fed off everything wrong in the world, from villages' internal problems to ghosts from old wars, but Akatsuki also brought everyone together. Iwa used to hire Akatsuki, but they joined us to defeat them. Kumo once sent a 'peace ambassador' to kidnap Hinata, but they led everyone against Madara. Kiri has been reformed a lot under Cougar Lady. And Gaara used to be a homicidal maniac, remember that? Now, Suna and Konoha's alliance is a model for the future, based on true friendship and trust, a source of strength for both our villages."

Sasuke shook his head again. "I'm not a village, nor do I have one that cares about me. Naruto, there's no place for me in your wonderful peace, and your wanting me around doesn't change that."

"Sasuke, we do care about you, and it's not just me!" declared Naruto. "You're not a village, but you are a person, and you played a part in our victory against Akatsuki. Besides, this is how peace works. It's always like this after a war. People who've killed each other's comrades live side-by-side. People who once hated each other's guts learn to coexist. It's not forgiveness, really. It's more like… Well, everyone just agrees that having peace is more important than holding on to old grudges."

Sasuke sighed tiredly. "Where does all this optimism come from?"

"From the battles we've won," said Naruto, smiling a little. "Everyone saw how flawed our world was, and everyone had their own idea for a key to peace. For Nagato, it was knowing pain. For Danzo, it was not being picky about who got killed. For Madara, it was putting the world under an illusion. Any of those would've been a false peace, but in fighting them all, we've taken the first step towards the real thing. This is what we've been waiting for, the beginning of a new era!"

Sasuke sighed again, but he did not say anything.

"Just stay, Sasuke," pleaded Naruto. "Please, Sasuke, stay here, in Konoha…with me."

For a moment, Sasuke remained silent. Then, he relented, "All right. I'll stay for now."

"And victory is mine!" cheered Naruto.

Just then, the door of the ward opened, and in stepped Kakashi, who was now Hokage, with Naruto as his designated successor.

"Yo!" said Kakashi. "Sounds like you two are having a heartfelt conversation."

"Hi, Kakashi-sensei," said Naruto, grinning from ear to ear. "What's up?"

"I have two questions for both of you," said Kakashi. "First of all, I suppose that you want to see true peace in this world?"

"Yes," said Naruto immediately.

"Sasuke?" prompted Kakashi.

"What's in it for me?" demanded Sasuke.

"We can't bring your family back to life, Sasuke, but we recognize and honor Itachi's sacrifice," said Kakashi. "We know that our village's history has its stains, and we're not afraid to learn from the past. And of course, it's a second chance for you, if you can be part of the solution instead of the problem."

Sasuke cast a glance at Naruto. Then, he said, "This idiot has piqued my curiosity. I want to see if this can really happen."

Naruto grinned, knowing that "piqued my curiosity" really meant "given me hope."

"Good!" said Kakashi. "Now, the second question. Do you two care about each other?"

"Heh heh," chuckled Naruto, not even needing to answer.

Sasuke "hn"-ed and did not answer either.

"Well?" said Kakashi, addressing the question to Sasuke.

Before Sasuke could answer, Naruto said, "Of course, he cares. He wouldn't be here now if he didn't."

Sasuke snorted but did not contradict Naruto, so Kakashi took that as a yes.

"Wonderful!" said Kakashi, smiling again. "Now, we've all agreed that there's only one way to heal this age-old rift that has plagued Konoha for so long, only one way to ensure a lasting reconciliation. Best of all, it seems that you two will not have any unconquerable objections to this plan."

"What are you talking about, Kakashi-sensei?" demanded Naruto excitedly, expecting something good. Sasuke merely raised a quizzical eyebrow.

"I'm talking about"—and here Kakashi paused for dramatic effect—"a marriage between the Next Hokage and the Last Uchiha!"

Silence.

Then…

"WHAT!!!!????" roared Naruto.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY????" shrieked Sasuke.

"Well, I'm glad you agree! Kay thanks bye!" said Kakashi, and he was out the door in a flash.

* * *

A/N: ^^

A/N 2: Just to make this clear, I'm not saying Sasuke should get off scot-free, but since this fic is purely for fun, everything is only as long or complicated as plot demands :).


	2. Sakura

Disclaimer: Kishi owns Naruto.

A/N: Bits of crack and bits of fluff. This story is basically feel-good…as in, I write when the manga depresses me and I want to feel better^^

* * *

Conspirator 1: Sakura

* * *

For a moment, Naruto and Sasuke sat there in shock.

Then, Sasuke muttered, "Now I _am_ considering ditching this place again."

"What!? No!" cried Naruto immediately. "You can't do that!"

"Didn't you hear Kakashi?" snapped Sasuke. "They're gonna make us get married! _To each other_!"

"We'll talk them out of it!" insisted Naruto. "I mean, it's such a crazy idea—"

"Yeah, so crazy that they wouldn't have suggested it unless they were dead serious," Sasuke pointed out.

"Yeah…but still…" murmured Naruto. "You're not really leaving, are you?"

"No, of course not," sighed Sasuke. "Not over something this stupid."

"Okay, that's good," said Naruto, relieved. He lay down again, snuggled under his covers, and yawned. "When we get out, we'll yell at them about it until they change their minds."

"Yes, I suppose yelling at people and getting them to do what you want is your specialty now," drawled Sasuke.

"Exactly," grinned Naruto. "Just look how well it worked on you."

* * *

But despite Naruto's yelling—and Sasuke's less coherent fury—Kakashi and the other top shinobi of Konoha insisted that an arranged marriage was the only way to resolve the feud. Better yet, they had refused to let Naruto and Sasuke out of Kakashi's office until their names had been signed on a marriage contract—in blood.

"Ah, how romantic," chanted Kakashi, looking the contract over. "The blood of the Fourth Hokage and the blood of the Uchiha clan, together on this piece of paper, symbolizing the resolution of old feuds and the hope for future unity and—"

"YOU BASTARD, WE DIDN'T AGREE TO THIS!!!" interrupted Sasuke.

"THIS IS SO PRIMITIVE!!!" added Naruto.

"Primitive or not, it works," said Kakashi, business-like once again. "Anyways, if you're out of the hospital, then get to work. Welcome to the ANBU. You two will be partners, of course."

"Oh, I'm glad you're not being a pain about trusting Sasuke," said Naruto happily.

"Of course not," replied Kakashi smoothly. "I know that I can leave you safely in the hands of your wife."

"AAHAHHHAAA!!!" Naruto erupted into laughter.

"What. Did. You. Just. Say," demanded Sasuke, voice low and dangerous.

"Well, Uchiha's face is definitely prettier than Naruto-kun's," noted one kunoichi.

"And for the last few years, we've been watching the knight-in-shining-armor pursue his damsel-in-distress," added another.

Naruto laughed even more uproariously. "AAHHA—AH, I CAN'T BREATHE!!!"

"Let me get back on Konoha's shitlist by killing you two," snarled Sasuke at the offending kunoichi.

"Yes, yes, that's wonderful!" sang Kakashi cheerily. "But come to think of it… Naruto, Sasuke, since you're newlyweds, I should at least give you today off. Very well, your missions will begin tonight. Until then, enjoy the sunshine and the matrimonial bliss!"

And with that, Kakashi threw them both out of his office.

"Damn them all," muttered Sasuke.

Naruto stopped laughing long enough to taunt, "Haha, Sasuke, you're my wife! Make me a sandwich!"

"Why you—!" roared Sasuke, and so began their first fight since Sasuke's return, which Sasuke easily dominated because Naruto could not stop laughing long enough to mount a respectable counterattack.

* * *

To Naruto's disappointment, Sasuke vanished at the first mention of interacting with other people. Naruto did not know whether Sasuke still held some lingering grudge against Konoha or feared that people still held some lingering grudge against him. Naruto suspected that it was a little bit of both. At any rate, when Naruto suggested that they see if their year-mates were around, Sasuke promptly leapt off, probably to haunt some deserted corner of Konoha.

"Stupid bastard…" muttered Naruto, but he was not alone for long.

"Hey, Naruto!" came a familiar voice.

"Sakura-chan!" said Naruto, turning to see her approaching.

"I see you're out of the hospital. Are you all healed up now?" asked Sakura.

"Yep!" nodded Naruto. "And Kakashi-sensei gave us the day off because—oh, that's right! Sakura-chan, have you heard—"

"Yes, I've heard," interrupted Sakura, grinning. "Kakashi-sensei told us all about the brilliant plan to heal the rift by having you two get married. I think it's a great idea! It makes everything easier."

"Ugh, I think it's an awful idea!" scowled Naruto.

"Speaking of which, where is Sasuke-kun?" asked Sakura.

"Who knows?" shrugged Naruto. "He's being annoying and antisocial."

"So…he's not around?" asked Sakura, looking like she wanted to talk about something.

"No," replied Naruto. "What's up, Sakura-chan?"

"Um…" began Sakura nervously. She bit her lip and looked away. "Naruto… I've wanted to say this for a while, but there wasn't time while everyone was busy fighting…and…well… Oh, Naruto, I'm so sorry!"

"Sorry?" repeated Naruto, surprised. "What for?"

"I'm sorry I didn't keep my promise to you!" cried Sakura, her voice breaking. "I said that I'd help you protect our bonds and make Team 7 whole again, but I went back on that promise. You kept believing in yourself and in your own ability to bring Sasuke-kun back. But me… I gave up. I should have been helping you, but I didn't believe in you."

"Sakura-chan, there's nothing to be sorry for," said Naruto quickly. "You meant well, I know that. Besides, I didn't always believe in myself. I doubted myself a lot. I didn't know how things would turn out, and, well…I could easily have been wrong."

"But I…" began Sakura.

"Anyways," interrupted Naruto, "it's all over now." He grinned. "Luckily, things did turn out okay in the end, and what's important now is that we keep it that way!"

"Oh, thank you, Naruto!" cried Sakura, pulling Naruto into a hug. "I'm so glad… I'm so glad that we have a chance to rebuild Team 7!"

"Yeah!" agreed Naruto, hugging her back. "I promise, I'll drag that jerk back into human company soon enough, and before you know it, it'll be just like old times, only…" Naruto paused and frowned.

"Only better," finished Sakura, smiling softly. "Because we're older and wiser…but still together."

"Exactly!" agreed Naruto. After a moment, Naruto said, "You know, Sakura-chan, this whole marriage thing…it's just a piece of paper, you know."

"Oh, how can you say that?" chided Sakura. "Marriage is a very serious—"

"I meant Kakashi-sensei's brilliant idea about making me and Sasuke get married," clarified Naruto.

"Oh," said Sakura, adjusting to the change of subject.

"Anyways, like I said, it's got nothing to do with…uh…love and stuff," said Naruto. "I wouldn't mind if Sasuke, you know, got a girlfriend and had a real relationship."

"Sasuke-kun get a girlfriend!" laughed Sakura, her giggle a little too high-pitched. "What a ridiculous idea!"

"Not that ridiculous," countered Naruto. "Maybe that bastard's finally gonna start being nice to girls who like him. I'm just saying, Sakura-chan, you don't have to give up on him just because…"

"Oh, nonsense!" said Sakura immediately. "If you mean romantically, I've long since given up on Sasuke-kun."

"Sakura-chan…" said Naruto slowly. Unvoiced were the words, _I think you're lying to me…again._

"Now, really! Don't judge me by a crush I had when I was 12-years-old!" exclaimed Sakura, talking too fast. "I only liked Sasuke-kun because he was good-looking, popular, and the top of our class!"

Naruto frowned. "You cared about him, Sakura-chan."

"Yes, as a teammate and a friend!" insisted Sakura hastily. "Just like you!"

"What?" Naruto's eyebrows shot up. "Like me??"

"Oh, yes!" said Sakura. She suddenly looked oddly triumphant, as if she had found a brilliant winning strategy in a chess game. "I was upset that he left, I missed him a lot, and I wanted to have him back. It was exactly like you! And heck, I think you were more passionate about it than I was. So, I can't possibly be in love with him, can I?"

"Sakura-chan," said Naruto skeptically, "you sound like you're…well…trying to convince yourself."

"I'm serious!" declared Sakura. "Besides, Sasuke-kun doesn't feel anything special for me."

"How do you know?" teased Naruto. "Maybe he did before he left, and now…"

"Oh, no, I don't think so, not at all," said Sakura immediately. "I mean…" Sakura frowned a little. "There was one weird incident, right after we were all put on teams. We almost kissed…"

Naruto suddenly looked very uncomfortable.

"But anyways, nothing like that ever happened again," said Sakura dismissively. "I don't think I got anywhere with him. I'm happy that we became teammates and friends, but that's all. Besides…I cared about him and wanted to help him, but I didn't really understand him. I still don't, not the way that you do. I've never had the connection with him that you do, Naruto."

"But Sakura-chan…" began Naruto.

"And things are so different now," continued Sakura. "I… I didn't believe in him as you did, Naruto. Even though I never stopped caring about the good person that he used to be, I didn't bring back that person. You were the one who did that."

"Wait, why are we talking about me?" demanded Naruto.

"After all that's happened, I just don't think that I'm the one for Sasuke-kun," said Sakura firmly. "And if I can't even understand him or believe in him the way you do, then I don't think he's the one for me either."

"Do you really feel that way?" said Naruto.

"I do," declared Sakura. Presently, she remembered that she had been heading somwehere. "Oh, I've got to be going now. I'm giving a special lesson at the Academy for Konoha's future medics. I'll see you later, Naruto!"

"Bye, Sakura-chan!" replied Naruto.

As Sakura walked away, Naruto considered her words. Sakura had babbled a little at first, but she had definitely seemed to mean what she had said at the end. Still… There was something strange about her behavior. It was almost as if…she had been trying to get some point across without saying it directly. It was quite odd.

But Naruto had long since learned that girls were impossible to understand, so he shrugged it off and forgot about it.

* * *

"How much of that conversation was honest, Sakura?"

"None of your business, Ino."

"Oh, c'mon! Have you really gotten over Sasuke-kun?"

"Stop pestering me! Like I said from the beginning, I'm all for this plan."

"You didn't answer my question."

"I… Honestly, I don't know how I feel, about either of those two. But it doesn't matter anyways."

"Are you sure?"

"Oh, c'mon, I'm not stupid. I've come to the same conclusion as everyone else, and I won't waste time on boys who are not interested in me."

"I see."

"Besides, I want them to be happy, especially Naruto. And if we're on the right path, then this will bring them the best happiness of all!"

* * *

A/N: Yes, things are afoot…^^


	3. Sai

Disclaimer: Kishi owns Naruto.

Random note: I read somewhere that Kishi said in an interview that Sasuke might be the final villain. I really hope that doesn't happen! A NaruSasu ending might be too much to ask for, but I want a Team 7 ending, at least!! Sigh… Dare I keep following this series?

* * *

Conspirator 2: Sai

* * *

The day they returned from their first mission, Naruto and Sasuke moved into a new apartment, as Kakashi insisted that a "married couple" should live together. The boys had unleashed the expected round of mostly ignored complaints, though their complaints had more to do with the "marriage thing" than with living together. Actually, neither had any objection to the living arrangement itself; unspoken but understood between them was the sentiment that neither wanted to be alone.

Moving in was a mostly smooth process. Naruto wanted the larger bedroom, of course, and Sasuke did not care enough to fight him for it. Naruto also wanted a double bed for the fun of it and made Sasuke help him carry it home, causing passersby to snicker about the newlywed couple moving into a new home and buying a double bed. Others frowned silently at the sight of Sasuke but had nothing to say while he was doing something so harmless…and slightly comical.

"You know," said Naruto thoughtfully, when they got home, "I'm starting to think that this whole arranged marriage thing was a pretty good idea after all."

Sasuke scowled. "You enjoy the snickering?"

"I mean, it's preventing worse things," Naruto pointed out. "Kakashi-sensei was right. It ties you to me and to Konoha, and it lets people know that you're here to stay."

"You mean, it creates the expectation that I won't run off or turn rebel again," said Sasuke.

"Uh-huh…" said Naruto slowly. "And that's an accurate expectation, right?"

"For now, yes," admitted Sasuke.

After all, Sasuke knew what the snickers really meant—the only people who could find his and Naruto's "marriage" amusing were those who did not hate him too much in the first place. These were the people who had been shocked by the secrets in their village's past and who wanted future leaders to take Konoha in a different direction. These were the people who were willing to give Sasuke another chance, especially if he was now an asset to Konoha and if Naruto still believed in him.

There had been a lot more snickering than Sasuke had expected.

Naruto knew it too, and he grinned at Sasuke's answer and somewhat defeated tone. Indeed, it was a very serious defeat for Sasuke, if he was actually admitting to having attachments instead of denying it or making up excuses.

"Say, Naruto?" said Sasuke suddenly, his tone rather serious.

"Yeah?" said Naruto.

"When you were a kid, all the villagers shunned you for no intelligent reason," recalled Sasuke. "Do you really feel no bitterness or resentment towards them?"

Naruto simply shrugged. "What's the point in being bitter or resentful? They saw me as a monster, they treated me like a monster, and that could have turned me into a monster…but it didn't. All I ever wanted was to be acknowledged and accepted. And I was lucky. I found people who cared about me, people that I cared about and wanted to protect. As I went on, I found more and more such people, and…"

"And now, you have everyone's acknowledgment and acceptance, and they know that they were wrong about you before," mused Sasuke. After a moment's pause, he added, "It's always been surprising to me, how different we are…"

"You're right, there's a huge difference between you and me," said Naruto, a little frigidly. "You think that everyone's against you, so you give in to all your negative feelings. I think that I can win trust and respect, and that's what I've done. This is the mentality change that the world needs—more like me, less like you. You especially need that, and I am gonna make sure that it gets through your thick skull and sticks in your head."

Sasuke just rolled his eyes…but he could not help smiling inwardly at Naruto's words.

* * *

Naruto was carrying a houseplant from his old apartment to the new one when he passed Sai on the street. For whatever reason, Sai was carrying a large envelope.

"Hey, Sai!" Naruto called out.

"Ah, Naruto! I was just looking for you," said Sai, coming over to him.

"What's up?" asked Naruto.

"I've been examining the remains of that plant guy in Akatsuki," said Sai. "He has the most amazing ability to record things that he sees. I've been 'watching some old footage,' so to speak."

"Really?" said Naruto, interested. "Discover anything important?"

"Yes," said Sai, utterly serious. "Between what I've learned from Zetsu and what I've seen with my own eyes, I have come to an astonishing conclusion."

Naruto's eyes widened. "What is it?"

"Hmm…first, you should probably set that houseplant down," suggested Sai.

Nonplussed, Naruto did so.

"I've discovered," said Sai dramatically, "that Uchiha is gay for you."

Naruto stared.

Then, his jaw dropped.

And if Sai had not warned him to set down his houseplant, he would have dropped that too.

"WHATTT???" roared Naruto.

Sai opened his envelope and took out a picture. "Here's what happened at your battle at the Valley of the End, after you were knocked out," said Sai, handing the picture to Naruto.

Naruto looked at it. There he was, lying on the ground, and there was Sasuke…with his face leaning over Naruto's in what Naruto had to admit was a _slightly_ awkward position.

"There were some gaps in the footage here and there, so we don't know what happened next," said Sai. "You know, _anything_ could have happened after this. He was conscious, you were not, your faces were inches apart, emotions were running high, and—"

"Sai, you are being retarded!" interrupted Naruto.

"So I thought, until I recalled the first time that I personally saw the two of you within the same square mile," said Sai. "If I remember correctly, it only took him a few minutes to end up within inches of you again."

"So what?" demanded Naruto.

"I will grant you that any furious, raging, man-on-man battle has a lot of homoerotic potential," conceded Sai, "but I've never seen anything like—"

"Shut up!" snapped Naruto. "Geez, is this how everyone is gonna make fun of us now??"

"Oh, that's right, you two are married!" remembered Sai. "Well, have you consummated it?"

"Go home and take your pills," muttered Naruto.

"Why are you so angry anyways?" demanded Sai. "It's not like you don't like Uchiha back!"

"WHA—!" began Naruto.

"You've always made it clear that you would do _anything_ to keep him with you," Sai pointed out. "If he offered to stick around in return for a blo—"

"Sai…" began Naruto warningly.

"…you'd give him ten," finished Sai.

"THAT'S IT, SAI!!" yelled Naruto. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!"

* * *

Having finished moving stuff from his old apartment—which, he was touched to discover, had been kept untouched for him—Sasuke found himself walking toward the bridge that had been Team 7's old meet-up spot. But as Sasuke approached the bridge, he saw that someone else was already there.

It was Sakura.

Sensing Sasuke's approach, Sakura looked up. She saw Sasuke standing at the foot of the bridge, and he returned her gaze, knowing that he could not avoid familiar faces forever.

Sakura's eyes widened in surprise. "Sasuke-kun…"

Sasuke looked at her expressionlessly…waiting for her reaction.

"Sasuke-kun!" cried Sakura, and she ran to him and pulled him into a hug. She was practically sobbing with joy as she said, "I'm…I'm so happy that you're back with us!"

"It's…good to be back," replied Sasuke softly.

Somehow, that one sincere and heartfelt exchange settled everything.

Sakura let go of Sasuke, stepped back a little, and smiled at him. "So, I heard that you and Naruto are moving into a new apartment," she said. "Do you need any help?"

"No, we're fine," replied Sasuke. Then, he scowled and said, "Does Kakashi announce to the whole village everything that Naruto and I do?"

"Of course!" said Sakura. "Your marriage is the whole village's business. It's a symbol of reconciliation and—"

"Sakura, it's a marriage contract, not a real marriage," interrupted Sasuke.

"Uh…" Sakura could guess what was coming next.

"If you and Naruto…" began Sasuke.

"NO!" snapped Sakura. "Dear God, not again! What is it with you boys!"

Sasuke looked at her in confusion.

"Can't a girl and a guy be friends without people trying to set them up!" Sakura ranted on. "Can't a girl like and respect and care about a guy without everyone wondering if it's love! There's nothing romantic between me and Naruto!"

"Somebody said that you told him…" began Sasuke.

"FORGET ABOUT THAT!" snapped Sakura. "Listen to what I'm telling you now! Naruto doesn't even like me that way anymore! And no wonder, since he's been so obsessed with you for so long! Nothing going through his head except for thoughts about you! Not becoming Hokage, not getting with me, just you, you, you!"

Sasuke's eyebrow rose. "_What_ exactly are you blaming me for?"

"Oh, you boys are so _stupid_!" declared Sakura, losing her patience. "_Why_ can't you see it??"

"See what?" demanded Sasuke, taken aback. "And why are you so angry?"

But Sakura was already stomping off.

"What on earth…?" muttered Sasuke.

Then, things really got strange.

Only a few moments later, Naruto walked by, carrying a houseplant. Upon seeing Sasuke, Naruto paused to declare, "Sai's even more obsessed with dicks than I thought!" Then, Naruto resumed walking.

Sasuke stared after him.

Within a few seconds, Sai came by, went up to Sasuke, and announced without preamble, "I know your dirty little secret, Uchiha." Then, without offering any explanation for his words, Sai walked off too.

Sasuke stood there in dumb shock. What the hell was going on with all of them??

"Maybe I have lost my mind after all…" Sasuke muttered to himself.

* * *

"Sakura, patience is a virtue. You know that it'll take more than a piece of paper to heal this rift. We're lucky that there _is_ a lot more there, and we're trying to help them see it on their own."

"I know, Kakashi-sensei. I know."

"Good. And Sai…that was a bad idea."

"Yes, I thought it would help to plant some 'bad ideas' in their heads. And then, those seeds will grow into…"

"Never mind. Let's _not_ have this conversation. From now on, Sai, just stay out of the others' way."

"As you wish, Hokage-sama."

* * *

A/N: XDDD. I wonder if this is getting a little _too_ crack…? Ah well, no such thing XD.


	4. Night I

A/N: The first of several short little chapters sprinkled throughout this story.

* * *

Night I

* * *

It was their first night in their new apartment, and Sasuke could not fall asleep. Hours after he had given up on trying to sleep—or even wondering why it was so hard to drift off—Sasuke heard some odd noises coming from…Naruto's room. Sasuke frowned in the darkness. It sounded like Naruto was having a bad dream.

Sasuke crawled out of bed and trudged to Naruto's room. Yes, the idiot was definitely having a nightmare. He was thrashing around and moaning and…muttering something…

"No…no…this…can't…be…happening… Sasuke… NO!!" moaned Naruto in his sleep.

"Naruto!" snapped Sasuke, shaking Naruto's shoulder.

"AH!!" Naruto yelped, waking with a start and grabbing Sasuke's arm.

"Nightmare?" asked Sasuke.

"Y-Yeah…" said Naruto shakily.

"What was it about?" asked Sasuke curiously.

Naruto shook his head.

"I heard you muttering," pressed Sasuke. "Was it about me?"

Naruto's mumbled reply was barely audible and hardly coherent, but Sasuke gathered that the nightmare had been about him—Sasuke—dying. Naruto's grip on Sasuke's arm tightened.

Sasuke sighed silently to himself. For quite a while, he and Naruto had been sleeping side-by-side under the stars or on adjacent beds in the hospital ward. It was now that Sasuke realized just how comforting that proximity had been, especially after all those miserable, lonely years. And for Naruto…

Sasuke pulled his arm free, went back to his room, grabbed his covers and pillow, and then returned to Naruto's room.

"Move over, dobe," said Sasuke, shoving Naruto, covers and all, to one side of his double bed.

"What are you doing?" demanded Naruto.

"Couldn't fall sleep," replied Sasuke, settling himself onto the other half of the bed.

Naruto stared for a moment as Sasuke crawled under his covers, moved to the edge of the bed, and faced away from Naruto. Then, Naruto grinned, lay back, and snuggled under his own covers.

Both of them fell asleep immediately and slept soundly for the rest of the night.

The next morning, the first thing they did was to move the double bed to Sasuke's room and convert Naruto's room into a two-bed double.

* * *

A/N: Yes, they are sleeping in the same room^^ Now, all kinds of good stuff can happen^^


	5. Shika and Choji

Disclaimer: Kishi owns Naruto.

A/N: I am sorry(?) to say that this story will not be including lemons. I know my limits in this respect, and, sadly(?), lemons are beyond me. Buuut………well, you'll see later^^

A/N 2: The second scene in this chapter is probably the crackest thing I have ever written.

* * *

Conspirators 3 & 4: Shikamaru and Choji

* * *

Despite Naruto's best efforts, Sasuke still refused to stomach human interaction, leaving Naruto to spend yet another day off poking around Konoha on his own.

Naruto soon came upon Shikamaru and Choji sitting on a rooftop, the former watching his clouds, the latter munching his chips, each content in his own little world. The silence was peaceful and tranquil—and a little surprising to Naruto. He realized that he and Sasuke had actually been talking quite a bit recently. Not only that, but they had been having entire conversations and everything…and pretty serious conversations at that.

"I feel old," remarked Naruto aloud, alerting Shikamaru and Choji to his presence.

"Don't worry," said Choji comfortingly, as Naruto sat down next to them. "Most married people feel old."

"And it's because they're married," added Shikamaru.

"Shut up!" snapped Naruto immediately. "You guys really are enjoying this, aren't you??"

"We just never imagined that you'd be the first of us to get married," chuckled Choji. "I always thought it'd be Shikamaru and Tem—"

"Cough," interrupted Shikamaru. Choji cleared his throat and did not finish his sentence.

"I've had enough of all these jokes! I swear, this is a conspiracy," complained Naruto, not noticing the quick, nervous glance that passed between Shikamaru and Choji. "Kakashi-sensei set this up just so all of you could laugh at us."

"Well, it wasn't _just_ so that we could laugh at you," said Choji earnestly. "It's also a very important political arrangement."

Shikamaru said nothing, but his thoughts on the matter were known. In Shikamaru's view, whatever unpleasant things might be in Konoha's past, it did not change the fact that Sasuke's behavior was inexcusable. Konoha could acknowledge its past leaders' mistakes and try to move on, but Sasuke should still have been put behind bars, at the very least. Still, Sasuke could be a very valuable asset, as he had shown during the war against Akatsuki, and if his loyalty to Konoha could really be secured… Which brought Shikamaru back to the task at hand.

"Anyways, Naruto, where's your wife or husband or whatever?" asked Shikamaru.

"My _best friend_ is off being antisocial somewhere," replied Naruto. He sighed. "In that way, he really hasn't changed at all. But, well, at least we're talking to each other, and the talking's been going pretty well."

"That's good," nodded Choji. "Communication is essential in a lifelong commitment."

"Choji…" began Naruto warningly.

"He was talking about your 'friendship' with Sasuke," said Shikamaru. "In your case, isn't that pretty much a lifelong commitment?"

"I can hear the quotation marks in your voice," complained Naruto.

"Oh, stop whining," drawled Shikamaru. "I've never seen anything like your obsession or fixation or whatever with Sasuke, except maybe the average teen male's eagerness to chase girls."

"Chase boobs, you mean," said Choji.

"Ah, yes, I stand corrected," agreed Shikamaru. "How could I have forgotten Ino's rants on this topic?"

Naruto scowled. "Are you making fun of me again?"

"I'm sorry," said Choji, not sounding sorry at all. "It is so hard to resist."

"Anyways, Naruto, shouldn't you be spending your day off on quality time with your spouse?" suggested Shikamaru.

"I hate you," declared Naruto.

"Oh, by the way, we're going to the Korean barbecue place tonight," said Choji. "You're welcome to join us."

"And if you can drag Sasuke out, Choji and I will pay you two's share," offered Shikamaru. "It'll be our gift to you newlyweds."

"Okay, fine, you're forgiven for everything," grinned Naruto. "Except that last 'newlyweds' comment."

* * *

By some miracle, Naruto managed to convince Sasuke to join them for dinner. But after half an hour without one bit of conversation—Shikamaru and Sasuke were locked in a glaring contest, and Choji was content to eat and not interfere—Naruto started wondering if this had been a good idea after all. Finally, fed up with the tense silence, Naruto did the first thing that came to his mind.

All of a sudden, Naruto turned to Shikamaru and declared in a squeakily high-pitched voice, "Daddy, stop being mean to my husband! I love him!"

Sasuke's jaw dropped.

Choji nearly spewed food everywhere.

Naruto started laughing at himself.

And Shikamaru immediately picked up the role, crossing his arms and gruffly admonishing Naruto, "That husband of yours seems like a jerk! You deserve better than him! Hmph!"

"Now, now, calm down," said Choji, joining in and trying to act like a kind relative assuaging the grumpy dad. "I'm sure your child knows his-her-its husband better than you do."

Naruto immediately squeaked in his fake girl voice, "Yes, Daddy, listen to Mommy!"

"WHAT!!" roared Choji and Shikamaru, but they were too busy laughing their heads off to work up any indignation. As for Naruto, he was laughing so hard that he could hardly sit upright.

Then, Sasuke piped up, "Never mind 'Mommy' and 'Daddy.' I married you, not your parents."

At that, Naruto fell off his seat laughing, and Shikamaru and Choji collapsed facedown on the table, overcome with mirth. Even Sasuke was chuckling, though he was trying very hard to hide it.

In the end, they were all thrown out of the restaurant for being too loud. But as they walked towards home together, the tension was gone, and all agreed that this night was the most memorable Korean barbecue dinner ever.

* * *

"So, how did it go?"

"The dinner went well enough. We had fun."

"And the Operation?"

"No progress to report."

"I'm disappointed, Shikamaru."

"But we know that the bride and groom love each other, despite the objections of the bride's parents."

"Choji, what on earth are you talking about?"

"Um…never mind. Sorry, Hokage-sama."

"…Were you boys watching a romantic comedy???"

"No, sir. Please, just…forget what I said."

"…Okay…"

* * *

A/N: XDDD. Crack overload XD.


	6. Night II

A/N: Another short chapter about a night that Naruto and Sasuke spent under their own roof.

* * *

Night II

* * *

In the middle of the night, Naruto was awakened by the urgent need to empty his bladder. He crawled out of bed, sleepily stumbled to the bathroom, and took care of business. As he stumbled back into the bedroom, he cast a quick glance towards Sasuke's bed—and saw that Sasuke was curled up in the middle of his bed, shaking slightly.

"Sasuke?" whispered Naruto worriedly.

There was no reply, but the shaking stopped immediately.

Naruto went over and placed a hand on Sasuke's shoulder. "What's the matter?" asked Naruto softly.

Sasuke was facing the wall, but Naruto caught the quick movement of Sasuke's hand as he reached to wipe his face.

"Sasuke, are you crying?" demanded Naruto, voice heavy with concern. "C'mon, tell me what's wrong."

To Naruto's surprise, Sasuke did reply.

"I had…a dream…about Itachi," whispered Sasuke. He obviously had been crying. "It was so real…like he really was…alive again…."

Naruto's grip on Sasuke's shoulder tightened.

"It was just…one of those dreams…that when you wake up…you don't immediately realize…that it was…only a dream…" Sasuke's murmurs dissolved into silent tears.

Naruto hesitated, wondering what to do. After a few moments, Naruto went over to his own bed, pulled off the covers, and wrapped them around his shoulders. Then, he went back to Sasuke's bed, sat down, leaned back against the wall, and guided Sasuke's head onto his lap. Sasuke did not resist at all, once again to Naruto's surprise.

But then, Sasuke blurted out in a whisper, "I wish I were dead too…dead along with all of them…"

"No," said Naruto sharply. "You don't mean that."

"Dying happens in a moment…but being dead is forever… That absence doesn't go away…it's always there…" Sasuke took a shuddering breath. "With all that killing and dying… Why couldn't someone have just killed me too…"

"No," repeated Naruto softly. "You're alive now, and thank goodness you are. As long as you're still here, there's still so much that you can do. And I…I need you. C'mon, Sasuke…stay with me…keep believing in me…keep believing in us."

"Naruto…" sighed Sasuke, but it was a light sigh, not a heavy one.

Naruto said nothing more but simply sat there, holding Sasuke. By the time Sasuke's little shivers ceased, Naruto was almost asleep too.

Naruto's last thought before he drifted off was that Sasuke's behavior was not really very surprising. After all, anybody who felt sad, lonely, and grieving naturally yearned for comfort. All along, Sasuke had always felt that he could not show weakness or had to depend on himself or had no one to turn to. But now, he had finally let go of all of that. Now, he was fully opening up to a friend who had always wanted to be there for him.

And to that happy thought, Naruto fell asleep.

* * *

A/N: ^^


	7. Neji and Shino

A/N: The obligatory bar scene. I searched for bad pick-up lines, looked up Naruto's favorite ramen, and everything. I'm so proud of myself (not) XDDD.

* * *

Conspirators 5 & 6: Neji and Shino

* * *

Naruto, Sasuke, Neji, and Shino were on an S-ranked mission when it turned into two S-ranked missions. When all was over, they had been gone from Konoha for almost twice as long as anyone had any reason to expect. Thus, one would think that they would be in a hurry to get back.

But no.

"Neji, stop for a moment," said Shino, for no apparent reason, when they were a short distance away from a town, its neon signs lighting up the night sky.

Neji, who was the squad leader, stopped, and the others did as well. Shino went up to Neji and whispered something to him. Naruto and Sasuke exchanged a puzzled glance.

When Shino finished, Neji turned to the other two and said, "Since there's a town up ahead, let's take a break and stop at a bar."

"That's sounds fun, but shouldn't we get back to Konoha before Kakashi-sensei starts thinking that something went really wrong?" asked Naruto, while Sasuke merely gave Neji a "WTF" look.

"Well, we're ridiculously late anyways, so I don't think a few more hours would matter much," said Neji. "Besides, uh, don't you want to check out a new place and meet some locals? Like…um…local girls?"

"Hell yeah, if the squad leader says so!" replied Naruto eagerly.

"Neji, what the fu—" began Sasuke, but Naruto did not let him finish.

"I think this is a great chance to reintroduce you to society, the hookup scene, bars, human interaction, whatever," declared Naruto, dragging Sasuke along. "Come on, to the nearest bar!"

* * *

The four boys donned their plainclothes outfits—all ANBU used a scroll to carry a set, since intelligence gathering sometimes required it—and went to the nearest bar, which happened to be a crowded singles bar, much to Naruto's delight. Since they were far from Konoha, nobody recognized Naruto's or Sasuke's face. All anyone saw were four hot guys. Well…

"I AM NOT A GIRL!!" yelled Neji, at the fifth guy in as many minutes who mistook him for a girl.

"AND I AM NOT BLIND!!" yelled Shino, at the fifth girl in as many minutes who offered sympathy.

"It's the hair and the sunglasses," explained the bartender.

"We know!!" snapped Neji and Shino.

Meanwhile, two seats away, Sasuke was no longer visible through the throng of girls that had gathered around him. Moreover, his monosyllabic responses to every attempt to start a conversation had no discouraging effect on the crowd of admirers. And of course, there was the usual round of bad pick-up lines to deal with…

"Excuse me, I'm lost. Can you give me directions to your house?"

"Sure. Go to Hell, descend seven levels."

"Hey, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart!"

"Too late, I sold it to the devil last year."

"Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes!"

"If you're really lost in _my_ eyes, you're done for."

"Hey, wanna test my bed?"

"Sure, I'll test if it's flammable."

And on and on it went. But for every girl whom Sasuke successfully convinced to leave him alone, another came to take her spot. Much to Sasuke's displeasure, Naruto—who knew well how Sasuke felt about fan girls—was not doing anything to help.

As it was, Naruto was too busy being jealous. Why did all those girls keep hanging around one guy, no matter how hot, when he was so obviously and utterly uninterested? Naruto found it all very frustrating.

"What a jerk," muttered Naruto.

"Isn't he?" said a voice next to him. Naruto turned and saw a cute girl standing there, smugly eyeing the crowd around Sasuke. She smiled at Naruto and said, "But not all girls are into pretty-faced jerks, you know."

"Oh, really?" said Naruto, flashing her a grin. "And what kind of guy are _you_ into?"

And so began what Naruto thought of as his counterattack. He might not be "pretty," but he had hotness and charm in abundance. He chatted, he laughed, he flirted left and right, he was generous with compliments, he was diplomatic when turning down an overeager fan girl, etc, etc, etc. Soon enough, Naruto was accumulating a considerable number of admirers as well. And when the bad pick-up lines popped up…

"Was that a hurricane, or did your hotness just blow me away?"

"Must have been a hurricane, because when I saw you, I was blown away too!"

"If I had a nickel for every time I saw a guy as hot as you, I'd have exactly five cents."

"If I had a penny for every time I saw a girl as beautiful as you, you'd be five times as rich as me!"

"If this bar were a meat market, then you'd be the prime rib!"

"And if it were a ramen bar, then you'd be miso ramen with char siu!"

"There are twenty angels in the world. Eleven are playing, eight are sleeping, and one is right in front of me."

"I think one of the sleeping angels woke up and is now right in front of _me_!"

And so on and so forth. However, despite all of the effort that Naruto was actively making, he very much noticed that his own crowd size was only barely keeping even with Sasuke's. Naruto was slightly—only slightly—comforted by the fact that he and Sasuke were pretty much splitting the entire female clientele at the bar.

And so the evening passed, with nobody really happy or content.

_Damn hair,_ thought Neji.

_Damn sunglasses,_ thought Shino.

_Damn Naruto for dragging me in here and then abandoning me to chase girls,_ thought Sasuke.

_Damn Sasuke for getting people to drool all over him without even trying,_ thought Naruto.

_Damn jerks from out-of-town stealing all the chicks,_ thought every other guy at the bar.

All in all, everyone was quite miserable.

* * *

But when the four scowling, irritated ANBU finally arrived at the gates of Konoha, their welcome was a sight far more disturbing than anything in a bar—Kakashi was standing at the gate, three ANBU around him, all of them looking slightly surprised when Neji, Shino, Naruto, and Sasuke landed in front of them.

Naruto frowned. What was going on? Why were all these people here? Had Kakashi expected them to return with bad news? Had they been gone so long that Kakashi had been preparing to send another squad after them? What kind of trouble had Kakashi been expecting? It was not _that_ unusual for ANBU missions to take longer than expected…

But one thing was clear—all four pairs of eyes were fixed warily on Sasuke.

Naruto instinctively moved closer to Sasuke and stepped slightly in front of him.

Kakashi quickly moved his gaze to Neji, the squad leader, and demanded, "Why were you gone so long?"

"The group we were after had more subsidiaries than we thought," explained Neji, "so we went ahead and made a clean job of it."

"Also, we stopped at a bar on the way back," added Naruto.

Everyone turned toward Naruto and stared.

"What? It was Neji's idea, not mine," said Naruto quickly.

"Actually, it was Shino's suggestion," muttered Neji.

One of the other three ANBU snickered. The others glared at him, and he quickly fell silent.

"You're dismissed," Kakashi told the other squad. "It appears that there is nothing out of the ordinary after all."

As the other squad leapt off, Kakashi said, "Neji, I'll hear your report in my office. The rest of your squad is dismissed."

Shino nodded and leapt off. Naruto and Sasuke simply walked off, letting the tense silence linger in the air.

* * *

"Neji, may I ask why either you or Shino thought a bar was a good idea?"

"We thought bars were where people…what do they call it…'hook up.' But…well, actually, we had no clue what we were doing."

"In that case, perhaps it would be best if you left this Operation to those more experienced in matters of the heart."

"Um…whatever you say, Hokage-sama. But about what happened earlier…"

"Don't worry. If Sasuke works up a temper over it, Naruto will deal with him better than anyone else could."

* * *

A/N: …


	8. Night III

A/N: A continuation of the previous chapter.

* * *

Night III

* * *

Sometime after they were both supposed to be asleep, Naruto turned towards Sasuke's bed—and saw that Sasuke was also wide awake, staring straight up at the ceiling.

"Sasuke?" whispered Naruto.

"What?" demanded Sasuke.

"You mad?"

"About what?"

"Kakashi-sensei almost sending people after us."

"We were gone for a lot longer than we were supposed to."

"You know it was more than that."

"There was a former traitor on our squad. Kakashi's reaction was very reasonable."

"So, you're not upset?"

"No. I was expecting worse. They didn't even arrest or attack me on sight."

There was a moment's pause.

Then, Naruto sighed and said, "Thanks, Sasuke."

"For what?" demanded Sasuke.

"Making things easier for me," replied Naruto. "For once."

"Hn," was Sasuke's reply. After a moment, he added, "Thank you."

It was Naruto's turn to ask, "For what?"

"The obvious. The usual. Whatever." What Sasuke meant was, _Thanks for standing next to me and implicitly defending me._

"Oh. You're welcome," said Naruto, understanding.

There was another pause.

Then, Naruto said, "Hey, Sasuke? Why do you make your bed in the morning?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at the odd question. "Why does anyone make their bed in the morning?"

"I don't know. It seems kinda pointless, since you just unmake your bed the next time you sleep," Naruto pointed out.

Sasuke snorted. "Is that your excuse for being a slob?"

"When you make your bed, it feels like you're going away, and you don't know when you'll be back," murmured Naruto.

Sasuke said nothing.

"Be a slob tomorrow morning," urged Naruto.

"Tch," muttered Sasuke.

"Good night, Sasuke."

"Night, slob."

* * *

The next morning, Sasuke left his bed unmade.

* * *

A/N: ^^


	9. Kiba and Lee

A/N: ……More crack, anyone?

* * *

Conspirators 7 & 8: Kiba and Lee

* * *

Naruto and Sasuke had barely finished breakfast when there came a loud knock on the door.

"I'm coming!" yelled Naruto, and he went to open the door.

There stood Kiba and Lee.

"Lee doesn't know where babies come from!" announced Kiba, as if this were absolutely scandalous.

"Huh?" said Naruto dumbly.

"Kiba-kun, I don't see what the big deal is…" mumbled Lee.

"Me neither," added Naruto.

Kiba stared and demanded, "Naruto, do _you_ know where babies come from? Or, should I say, how they're _made_?"

"Should I know?" asked Naruto, utterly innocent.

"Ahh…why am I not surprised," muttered Kiba, facepalming. Then, he spotted Sasuke and remarked, "And I'll bet that _you_ know absolutely nothing about baby-making."

Sasuke did not deign to reply.

"Okay, let's fix this," said Kiba, inviting himself in and dragging Lee after him. Naruto saw that Kiba was carrying a box full of…videotapes.

"What're the videos for?" inquired Naruto.

"Enlightening you virgins," grinned Kiba, as he set up the TV. "Sit down and prepare to be blown away."

Naruto and Lee exchanged a glance, shrugged, and then plopped down on the couch.

Sasuke started for the door.

"Make him stay," Kiba commanded Naruto.

"C'mon, Sasuke, don't you want to see this?" said Naruto. "Aren't you the least curious about…uh…whatever this is?"

"No," replied Sasuke shortly.

"But then, I'm going to know something that you don't," taunted Naruto.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Do I care? What are we, twelve-year-olds?"

"What if it's something that can make you stronger?" suggested Naruto. "Then, I'll know a trick that you don't, and I'll beat you easy when we spar! …Kiba, why are you laughing?"

"AHHAHAHAA!!!" Kiba roared with laughter. "'Something that can make you stronger'! Sure, why not! Ahahahaa!!!"

"Looks like it's just makes you stupid," muttered Sasuke.

"No, no, seriously!" said Kiba suddenly. "These vids have plenty of interesting stuff! There's stuff about blindfolds, handcuffs, ropes…um…clones, transformations…uh…genjutsu, lots of genjutsu…"

Meanwhile, Lee picked up some tapes and began reading the labels, "This one says 'girl-on-guy'… This one's 'girl-on-girl'… Here's a 'guy-on-guy'… And what's this? 'Threesome'? 'Orgy'? What's an 'orgy'?"

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched. He was beginning to look a little curious.

"Just stay and watch," urged Kiba.

"C'mon, Sasuke," said Naruto, patting the spot on the couch beside him.

Sasuke sighed, surrendered to his curiosity, and went to sit next to Naruto.

"Okay, we're all set," said Kiba, remote control in hand. He surveyed the audience and sighed. "Figures it'd be you three who don't know… Well, that'll change soon enough."

* * *

Two hours later, Lee was passed out on the couch, Sasuke was vomiting into the toilet, and Naruto was trying to gouge his eyes out with a plastic spork.

"Wow, you really are twelve-year-olds," sighed Kiba.

"That was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen!" came Sasuke's yell.

"Eye bleach! I need eye bleach!" cried Naruto.

"And _you're_ supposed to be the Great Pervert of our generation?" Kiba shook his head. "What a shame. Your poor virgin imagination has never ventured beyond the most basic of the basics."

Naruto moaned as if sick.

Presently, Lee came to, looked around, spotted the stacks of porn videos on the coffee table, and promptly passed out again.

Meanwhile, Sasuke staggered out of the bathroom, stumbled to the kitchen table, fell into a chair, and put his head down on the table. Naruto gave up on the spork, sat down across from Sasuke, and collapsed forehead-first on the table as well.

"It's all your fault for making me stay for this," muttered Sasuke weakly.

"Shut up, teme. Just shut up," Naruto muttered back.

Kiba looked at them all for a moment. Then, he exclaimed, "Hey, I'll bet Neji doesn't know either!"

"Yes, Kiba, please take your perverted videos and go bother Neji instead," said Naruto, without looking up.

"Hmm, I don't think Lee will want to miss Neji's reaction," said Kiba. He went to shake Lee awake. "C'mon, let's go brain-scar Neji and laugh at him."

"Kiba-kun, you are dreadful," accused Lee, as he came to again. "Ugh…I feel sick."

"Welcome to the club," groaned Naruto.

"Well, it was nice to see you twelve-year-olds," taunted Kiba. "Later, Mr. and Mrs. Uzumaki-Uchiha."

Two middle fingers waved farewell as Kiba left, supporting a drugged-up-looking Lee.

A few moments later, Naruto and Sasuke heard a commotion on the street below their apartment…

"Hey, Kiba, Lee!" That was Ino's voice.

"Lee, are you okay? You look really sick." That was Tenten.

"Oh, he's fine. Just adjusting to some…new knowledge," came Kiba's chuckle.

"What does that mean—KIBA! WHAT THE HELL IS IN THAT BOX!!!" Ino's voice was a furious roar.

"U-uh, n-nothing!!" Kiba suddenly sounded panicked.

"LET ME SEE!" demanded Ino.

"NO!!" cried Kiba, but it was in vain. There were sounds of struggling, and then…

"PORN!!??" roared Ino.

"You're going around peddling porn??" demanded Tenten.

"Hey…what…I'm not _peddling_…" babbled Kiba.

"Kiba, you are SICK!" declared Tenten.

"Hey, don't you think you're overreacting just a _little_?" objected Kiba. "There are things that little girls need to know, and there are things that little boys…"

SMACK!!!

It sounded like Ino and Tenten had double-smacked Kiba.

Naruto chuckled at the commotion below. "Sounds like Kiba's getting what he deserves."

"Mm-hmm," murmured Sasuke. Then, he wondered aloud, "Wait, what did any of that have to do with babies?"

"Don't know, don't care," was Naruto's muttered reply.

Meanwhile, on the street below, Kiba and Lee got away from Ino and Tenten, and the commotion quieted.

After a few moments, Naruto and Sasuke heard Ino's and Tenten's voices again, moving up the stairs of their apartment building. Then, for the second time that day, there came a knock on their door.

"Hey, you guys home?" called Ino.

"I'm coming," yelled Naruto, wondering why they were so popular all of a sudden—and hoping that the girls did not come bearing more disturbing videos.

* * *

"Kiba-kun, are you sure that was a good idea? Didn't Hokage-sama already tell Sai-kun…"

"If you ask me, Sai's idea was brilliant, except for one glaring problem: Those two don't know any details about anything dirty or perverted. But, thanks to yours truly, they've now been 'enlightened'…as you have been, eh, Lee?"

"…I suppose by 'enlightened,' you mean 'traumatized.'"

"Call it what you want. Anyways, let's traumatize Neji next. It'll be hilarious!"

* * *

A/N: …Is this pushing the rating? I hope not, because there's worse—by which I mean better—in about…two chapters^^

Edit: Regarding Naruto's previously unenlightened state: I know he's read Jiraiya's books, but I get the impression that he didn't actually realize what they were about. Anyways…that's just my interpretation^^


	10. Ino and Tenten

A/N: Picks up where the previous chapter left off^^

* * *

Conspirators 9 & 10: Ino and Tenten

* * *

Naruto went to open the door, and there stood Ino and Tenten.

"Hello, ladies, welcome to our humble adobe," said Naruto smoothly.

"Hey, Naruto, Sasuke-kun," said Ino, as she and Tenten stepped inside. To Naruto's horror, Ino was holding a set of…yep, videotapes.

"Ack, more disturbing videos!" cried Naruto.

"Was Kiba just here?" asked Tenten sympathetically.

"Yeah," replied Naruto. "And he's got some hardcore kinky stuff."

"Stop mentioning it," interjected Sasuke. "You're making my head hurt."

"Well, I hope you're ready for more disturbing videos that will make your heads hurt," sighed Tenten. "Ino brought over a romance movie."

"Eww, girly movie! What's that doing here?" demanded Naruto.

"Well, Tenten lost a bet to me…" began Ino.

"What was the bet?" asked Naruto curiously.

"Oh, it was one of Kakashi-sensei and Gai-sensei's pointless contests." Ino rolled her eyes. "Tenten actually bet on Kakashi-sensei, but Gai-sensei won. So, I'm making our favorite tomboy watch a proper romance movie. And I figured that Kiba was just here with his X-rated library, so I come bearing brain bleach!"

"I don't know if lovey-dovey goo counts as good brain bleach," said Naruto dubiously.

"C'mon, don't leave me to suffer alone," begged Tenten.

"It's not suffering!" objected Ino. "Besides, Naruto, if you want to get girls, you'll have to know what girls like!"

"Huh?" said Naruto.

"Romance movies tell you exactly what a girl is looking for in a boyfriend," said Ino, winking.

"Yeah, sure, if you're _that_ kind of girl," muttered Tenten.

"What kind of girl?" demanded Naruto.

"_Any_ kind of girl," declared Ino firmly, clamping one hand over Tenten's mouth. "C'mon, Naruto, a romance movie won't kill you. Like I said, you might even find it educational, and in a far better way than Kiba's porn stash."

"All right, all right, I'll watch the gooey movie with you," relented Naruto. "What about you, Sasuke?"

"You can do whatever, but I am _done_ watching random crap that people bring," declared Sasuke, getting to his feet.

"And where are you going?" demanded Naruto.

"Training," replied Sasuke.

"And you're going to what? Practice your _genjutsu_? Or your _string_ tricks? Or strategies for beating my _clones_?" taunted Naruto.

Sasuke froze, all kinds of horrible images popping up in his head.

"C'mon, Sasuke, watch _something_ that'll get Kiba's dirty movies out of your mind," urged Naruto.

Sasuke let out a long, heavy sigh.

"That sounds like surrender," gloated Ino. "All right, boys and tomboys, have a seat, and let last year's chart-topping romance movie take you for a ride!"

* * *

Some hours later, Naruto and Sasuke were on their way to their training spot in the forest when they bumped into Kiba.

"Hey, Kiba," said Naruto. "Where'd Lee go?"

"He and Neji are both passed out at Neji's," smirked Kiba.

"Sounds like you've been having too much fun today," groused Naruto.

"You bet!" grinned Kiba. "And what have you two been doing? Not banging your foreheads on the tabletop this whole time, I hope?"

"No." Naruto rolled his eyes. "Ino and Tenten came by and made us watch a romance movie."

"Oh? And how was that?" asked Kiba.

Naruto paused for a moment and cleared his throat. Then, he grabbed Sasuke's shoulders and began yelling dramatically, "I love you more than anything in the world! How _dare_ you think that I don't love you! How _dare_ you say that you're not good enough for me! How _dare_ you refuse to admit that you are the most _beautiful_ and _wonderful_ person in the _whole wide world_!!"

Kiba started laughing.

Encouraged, Naruto began shaking Sasuke and intoned in an even more melodramatic voice, "You are the best thing since sliced bread! The whole town wants to get into your pants! I know _I'm_ not good enough for _you_, but you're so _amazing_ and _special_ that you're making me pursue you like a rabid dog anyways! You see, you mean more to me than my _life_, my _heart_, my _soul_, my very _existence_!" Naruto shook Sasuke harder for extra emphasis. "And you would mortally wound me if you try to deny it!"

"STOP SHAKING ME RIGHT NOW, USURATONKACHI!!!" snapped Sasuke, freeing himself and smacking the back of Naruto's head.

"Ow!" cried Naruto. "Hey, you should feel honored that a great actor like me is using you as a prop!"

"Ahhaaahhaa!" laughed Kiba uproariously. "I'll say, Naruto, your Romeo voice is pretty convincing!"

"But use me as a human prop again, dobe, and it'll be the last thing you ever do," threatened Sasuke.

"And who's Naruto going to use as a human prop, someone else's wife?" chuckled Kiba.

"Kiba…" warned Sasuke through gritted teeth, while Naruto started cracking up again.

"Okay, okay, chill," said Kiba quickly. "Well, I'll be off now. Have fun sparring. Beat the crap out of each other until you can't remember anything you watched today."

"Yep, that's the plan," said Naruto. "Later, Kiba!"

Off went Kiba, and Naruto and Sasuke continued walking.

"I don't get that movie," remarked Naruto. "What's so special about that couple, anyways?"

Sasuke shrugged. "Their willingness to risk their lives for each other, I guess."

For a moment, neither said anything.

Then, Naruto said quietly, "In a world of shinobi…that's pretty common."

"It's a movie," said Sasuke, his voice soft as well. "It's fiction. It's not real. It's…a world more peaceful than ours."

"Yeah…" agreed Naruto. "And people aren't always in situations where they have to risk their lives for each other."

"Or, if things go wrong, die for each other," added Sasuke. "Or, when necessary, kill for each other."

"A world without all of that…" murmured Naruto. "That's the kind of world that I want to bring about."

"And how exactly do you plan to do it?" questioned Sasuke. "You don't want to kill anyone. But sometimes, to protect your important people, you're willing to accept some blood on your hands, maybe even innocent blood."

"But how much are we willing to accept?" mused Naruto. "Do we even realize how much bloodshed there really is? Are we sure there's no other way? How hard do we try to look for one?"

"Why bother?" replied Sasuke. "Everyone fights for the same reasons—to protect their living, to avenge their dead—but each person fights for his own nation, his own village, his own clan, his own family. As long as you're you and I'm me, we'll always have differences, and we'll never be on the exact same side."

"What??" cried Naruto, alarmed. "Sasuke, what are you—"

"It's a general idea, dobe," snapped Sasuke. "I'm not talking about you and me specifically."

"Oh," said Naruto. "So…what were you saying?"

"That people are naturally more willing to risk someone else's loved ones than their own," said Sasuke. "It's part of being human and being able to love."

"That's what Pain said about Konoha and other big nations using small ones like Ame for our wars, but neither what Konoha did nor what Pain did was right," said Naruto. "It's always like that. Two wrongs don't make a right. Any wrong only breeds more wrongs. You can have the right reasons, but if you still do wrong, then it just makes your reasons look bad."

"When you become Hokage, will you always be able to protect this village by doing right?" countered Sasuke. "Besides, in the end, there is no right or wrong. It just comes down to who's stronger. If you have power, then you decide what's right and what's wrong, and no one can stop you."

"You're being cynical," snapped Naruto.

"I'm being realistic," Sasuke shot back.

Naruto shook his head. "Things that were once 'unrealistic' are now realities. Maybe things that are 'unrealistic' now will become realities in the future. I mean, just look at how far we've already come from where we used to be. Maybe people will always have differences. Maybe there'll always be some wrong in the world. But as long as there are people everywhere who want to build a world with less wrong in it, then we can still make things better."

"Oh, so that's how you'll argue it?" chuckled Sasuke. "You won't argue about the present. Instead, you argue about the future, which nobody knows anything about."

"And which nobody can put limits on," added Naruto, grinning.

* * *

"Ino, what are you even trying to do?"

"Well, Tenten-san, it's quite simple. You see, it's all about subtlety. Those clueless little boys know nothing about the many facets of love, but thanks to me—and, I will admit, Kiba—that is no longer the case. And, soon enough, they'll realize which names and faces are popping up in their heads at the thought of 'soul mates' or 'lovers.' And if we're right, then it'll be the same names that are always going through their heads—each other's."

"Sigh… You are either utterly ridiculous or an unparalleled genius. I suppose we shall soon see which."

* * *

A/N: Yes, you will see…in the next chapter ^^


	11. Night IV

A/N: ^^

* * *

Night IV

* * *

Naruto and Sasuke's sparring session left them so exhausted that they fell asleep as soon as their heads hit their pillows. But then, in the wee hours of the morning…

Sasuke was jolted awake by the sound of thrashing, moaning, and creaking bedsprings. _What's going on?_ wondered Sasuke, and he looked towards Naruto's bed. Naruto was fast asleep but obviously having a vivid dream. Sasuke sighed softly. Was the idiot having another nightmare? It had not happened since they had moved into the double bedroom…

Then, Naruto let out a particularly loud moan…and Sasuke realized something.

It was not a moan of terror or anguish.

It was a moan of…something else altogether.

"Damn you, Kiba," muttered Sasuke, too quietly to wake Naruto. "Damn you and your porn stash."

Another loud moan came, accompanied by furious thrashing.

"Damn you, Naruto," Sasuke went on muttering. "Damn you and your ability to be loud and annoying even while you're _asleep_."

"Mmm—mmff—ooh—Sa-Sa—" moaned Naruto, very audibly.

"Goddamn it, I am _not_ going to lie here and listen to the dobe have a wet dream about Sakura," muttered Sasuke, clambering out of bed. He grabbed his covers and pillow, stomped off to the spare bedroom, and tried to make himself comfortable on the double bed.

But it was just like their first night in the new apartment, when Naruto and Sasuke were in separate bedrooms.

Sasuke could not fall asleep.

_Damn it all,_ thought Sasuke, sighing to himself. _Can't even go to sleep without that idiot in the same room…_

And so, Sasuke lay wide awake the entire night, letting his insomnia fuel his bad mood—and trying to banish the bizarre, absurd thoughts that kept popping up in his head and stubbornly lingering in his mind…

Sasuke felt unduly annoyed by the thought of Naruto having a dream—any kind of dream—about someone who was not Sasuke himself. It was almost as if Naruto had invited a third person, an unwelcome intruder, into a private space that belonged only to the two of them.

In other words, Sasuke did not feel sexiled. He felt…cheated on.

* * *

A/N: *evil grin*


	12. Hinata

A/N: ^^

A/N 2: …I've been putting off the Hinata scene. After the Disaster of 469, I changed my "if the canon has to have a het pairing" ship from NaruSaku to NaruHina. I still don't think that Hinata has nearly enough panel time…but, then again, this is shonen, and standards for pairing development aren't high. Well, who cares anyways^^

* * *

Conspirator 11: Hinata

* * *

The next morning, Naruto nearly had a panic attack when he woke up and saw that Sasuke's bed was completely bare. Sasuke often got up before Naruto, but his covers, made or unmade, never went anywhere. Of course, it would not make any sense for Sasuke to take his bedding along if he left town, but still…

Naruto's mind automatically ran through all the reasons, from relevant to ridiculous, why Sasuke might leave. Had he stopped believing in Naruto? Had he started hating Konoha again? Was he sick of the marriage jokes? Was he fleeing Kiba's porn stash or Ino's chick flicks? Was he…

Naruto was horrified at the very thought.

Could Sasuke read minds?? Did he know what Naruto had been dreaming about the previous night!?

Naruto leapt out of bed, charged out of the bedroom, and looked around the apartment. No Sasuke in the living room. No Sasuke in the bathroom. No Sasuke in the kitchen/dinette. No Sasuke in the spare bedroom—

But Sasuke's covers were there.

Naruto scratched the back of his head, wondering what had happened. Sasuke must have moved there the previous night…but why? Still, Naruto was relieved that Sasuke had not gone any further than the spare bedroom. At the moment, Sasuke was probably out on a morning walk or something.

That matter being solved, Naruto grabbed a quick breakfast and then went off to Hokage Tower. This was a very special day, and he had some special work to do.

* * *

This was the day of the second postwar Kage Summit.

At the first postwar Kage Summit, it had been agreed that the Kages would continue meeting regularly to build on the cooperation and camaraderie that had been achieved during the war and to make sure that something like Akatsuki would never sneak up on the world again. With much difficulty, it had been decided that the five villages themselves would host the meetings, with the villages taking turns. A hostage system using special seal jutsu had been set up to ensure the safety of the visiting Kages. Since Konoha was the first host village, it had to offer up four hostages.

Thus, Naruto, Sakura, Neji, and Shikamaru were now gathered in Kakashi's office.

"Our Jinchuriki, our best healer, and geniuses from two of our best clans," said Kakashi, looking them over. "On top of that, you are young, you are our village's future, and your skills and loyalty are well-known among your peers. The other Kages will be satisfied with you four as hostages."

"Kakashi-sensei, what exactly does being a hostage entail?" asked Sakura nervously.

"Each of you will be assigned to a Kage. If a Konoha-nin attacks your assigned Kage, then you die," said Kakashi bluntly. "But of course, neither of those things will happen. Also, you will act as escorts to the Kages and their bodyguards. Show them around the village before the meeting and such."

Shikamaru sighed. "Ugh. Sounds troublesome."

"For your information, Shikamaru, I've taken the liberty of assigning you to the Suna group," chuckled Kakashi. "I must say, we're all hoping for a good dose of levity to grace this summit."

"Oh no," groaned Naruto. "More marriage jokes."

"Exactly," agreed Kakashi cheerfully.

* * *

Naruto was on his way out of Hokage Tower when he bumped into Hinata. With a jolt of guilt, Naruto realized that he had yet to give her a proper answer to her confession during the battle against Pain. He had thanked her for what she had done then, but he had never been able to figure out what to say about the rest.

"Hey, Hinata," said Naruto nervously.

"Hello, Naruto-kun," replied Hinata. She smiled but did not blush.

"Erm, Hinata," began Naruto awkwardly, "about…"

"Naruto-kun," interrupted Hinata. "Please, I have something that I want to say first."

"Oh!" said Naruto, surprised. "Oh, go right ahead!" He was relieved at not having to talk.

"Naruto-kun, I've always wanted you to know how I felt," said Hinata. "I know that it was a surprise to you, and I wasn't expecting you to answer quickly, especially with everything else that was going on. I know that you still have a lot on your mind, like working towards peace or helping Sasuke-kun be a part of Konoha again. But I…" Hinata took a deep breath. "I don't want to wait for you anymore."

_She's dumping me,_ realized Naruto, silently relieved. He would not have enjoyed having to give her a negative answer, but now there was no need to.

"I'm not blaming you, Naruto-kun," Hinata went on. "You do whatever it is that you have to do. But I'm not going to wait for you, and…my heart is free to find someone else."

Naruto looked at her for a moment. Then, he smiled and said, "I understand, Hinata. Thank you."

"You're welcome," said Hinata, smiling back. Then, she added, "I wish you the best, Naruto-kun. I believe that for every person in this world, there's someone out there whom they can love with all their heart and who loves them back. I hope you find your special person soon."

"Yeah, you too," replied Naruto.

Hinata smiled again and then went on her way.

As he watched Hinata's retreating figure, Naruto thought to himself that they might have had potential. Hinata had a shy and timid personality, but she had grown into a strong-willed, self-confident, and courageous girl—and she was the kind of person who could love someone with all her heart and then some. Perhaps, if they had been closer, if he had known her better, if they had spent more time together…

_Who knows,_ thought Naruto, smiling to himself. _Maybe, in a world where I can't have inappropriate dreams about _him…_ Well, who knows what might have happened._

And speaking of the devil incarnate…

Sasuke came walking by, sporting humongous bags under his eyes and a ferocious scowl on his face.

"What's the matter with you?" demanded Naruto.

"I only slept half the night," replied Sasuke snappily.

"Why?" asked Naruto.

"Some_ idiot_ was being loud in his sleep, and I had to go to the spare bedroom, where I didn't get any sleep at all," complained Sasuke.

Naruto frowned, feeling nervous. He had been loud in his sleep? What had he said…?

"What do you mean, being loud in my sleep?" asked Naruto carefully.

Sasuke's scowl deepened, if that was possible. "You were having a dream, and a very good one by the sound of it," snarled Sasuke.

To Sasuke's surprise, Naruto turned bright red and started babbling, "Ah—eh—um—"

Sasuke sighed. That idiot. Was he embarrassed because he had been having wet dreams about a girl whom he was supposed to like? Until recently, Sasuke had not known many details about dirty minds, but even he knew that such things were perfectly normal for boys of their age.

"Stop babbling, dobe," snapped Sasuke. "You had a dirty dream about Sakura. Big deal."

"I—wait, what!!??" cried Naruto, surprised by Sasuke's words.

Sasuke was surprised by Naruto's surprise. "What do you mean, 'what'?" demanded Sasuke. "That was what your dream was about, right? Or do you not even remember it?"

"Oh, I remember it all right," said Naruto. "Um…hmm…what makes you think it was…a dirty dream…about Sakura-chan?"

"Well, you were definitely making loud, dirty-dream noises," said Sasuke. "And you were moaning her name."

Naruto looked bemused. "I was…moaning…her name…?"

"Yeah, and that dream must've been something, since you couldn't even get all the syllables out," taunted Sasuke.

Naruto digested this information, thought it over, and realized what had happened. Then, his confused frown turned into a bright smile, and he declared, "Oh, yes, now I remember. All of it. In juicy detail."

"Good for you," drawled Sasuke.

"Mm-hmm," agreed Naruto cheerfully, content to let Sasuke remain oblivious for the time being.

* * *

"Are you all right, Hinata-chan?"

"Yes, I'm fine, Sakura-chan. I was thinking about something…"

"Yes?"

"When I told Naruto-kun that I wouldn't wait for him, he seemed…relieved. But I think…I really do think that he would have wanted to give us a chance, unless…"

"…unless he already wants someone else…"

"…and is well aware of his own feelings…"

"…which could mean…"

"…one down, and one more to go!"

* * *

A/N: ^^


	13. The Kages

A/N: Guess who else is in on things? XDD

* * *

Conspirators 12–15: The Kages

* * *

Naruto, much to his annoyance, found himself assigned to the Raikage. And the Raikage, much to his annoyance, found himself saddled with both Naruto and Sasuke as escorts.

"Why's the Uchiha brat here?" snapped the Raikage.

"If some random nutter takes a swing at you, then I'd be in trouble too," said Naruto. "So, Kakashi-sensei assigned a bodyguard to each Kage-hostage pair, just in case."

"And you trust Uchiha??" demanded the Raikage.

"If a man can't trust his own wife, then who can he trust?" quipped Naruto.

The Raikage could not help it. He nearly sat down on the ground laughing.

"Dobe, I'm going to kill you in your sleep tonight," snarled Sasuke.

_Yeah, you probably would,_ thought Naruto, _if you knew what I dreamed about last night…_

Just then, the Raikage's bodyguards—two Kumo-nin whom neither Naruto nor Sasuke had seen before—rejoined them after having disappeared a while ago.

"Where've you been??" demanded the Raikage.

"Just checking out the locals," replied one of the Kumo-nin. "Local girls, that is."

"Ladies here have good taste," grinned the other Kumo-nin.

"Yeah, whatever, I don't care about your cavorting adventures," snapped the Raikage. "Don't wander off again and leave My Manliness alone with a pair of teenage newlyweds."

"Newlyweds? We've been married for almost a month already," remarked Naruto, while Sasuke radiated killing intent.

Just then, the Mizukage's and Kazekage's groups joined them. The Mizukage was accompanied by two Kiri-nin, one of whom was Chojuro; Sakura, their hostage; and Sai, their Konoha bodyguard. Gaara was accompanied by his siblings and Shikamaru and Choji. For Suna, the hostage and Konoha bodyguard were mere formalities, as Konoha and Suna had already established a solid friendship.

"Hey, Naruto, Sasuke-kun!" said Sakura.

"Hey, Sakura-chan, guys," said Naruto.

The Mizukage looked over the Raikage's group, and she sighed and remarked, "Ah, how I wish that Konoha had assigned the two young boys to _me_."

Sasuke squeaked—actually _squeaked_—and almost hid behind Naruto.

"Sasuke? What's wrong?" asked Naruto, bemused.

"Ah, he remembers our last encounter!" chuckled the Mizukage. "I remember making two promises to you back then. One of them, my promise to kill you, no longer seems necessary. But as for my other promise, to give you a kiss…" She flashed her cougar smile.

"Ahh!!" cried Sasuke, terrified.

Naruto stepped in front of Sasuke and, with a straight face, firmly told the Mizukage, "Excuse me, ma'am, I must ask you to stop harassing my wife."

"Shut up, Naruto!" snapped Sasuke, forgetting the Mizukage. "Call me your wife one more time, and I'm going to harass you!"

"Go right ahead!" challenged Naruto.

"I hear a double entendre!" smirked Sai.

"And I'm going to pretend that I didn't hear anything," said Gaara.

Sakura suppressed a snort of laughter. Kankuro just rolled his eyes.

Temari whispered to Shikamaru, "Speaking of which, how's the Operation going so far?"

"Not quite sure…" Shikamaru whispered back.

"What are you two whispering about, Suna's hostage and the Kazekage's bodyguard?" demanded the Raikage suspiciously.

"Just their impending nuptials," replied Choji reassuringly. "Nothing to worry about…unless you're Shikamaru."

Shikamaru rolled his eyes, and Temari scowled. But neither said anything.

"Hmph," said the Raikage, satisfied with Choji's answer.

* * *

At the first post-war Kage summit, directly after the defeat of Akatsuki, the Great Ninja Villages had decided to increase communication and cooperation, including conducting joint Black Ops missions against international criminal organizations and trying to diffuse inter-village tensions. The purpose of the second summit was to examine the progress so far and look for more areas of potential collaboration.

"But first," said Kakashi, when everyone—Kages, bodyguards, and escorts—was gathered, "are there any specific concerns that anyone wants to throw out there?"

"Yes, I have one!" said the Tsuchikage, who was accompanied by his usual bodyguards, Kurotsuchi and Akatsuchi; their hostage, Neji; and their Konoha bodyguard, Lee. The Tsuchikage glared at Naruto and Sasuke and said, "I object to this whole arranged marriage business!"

"With all due respect, Tsuchikage-sama, that is an internal affair of Konoha," said Kakashi smoothly. "It ensures Sasuke's loyalty to Konoha, and neither of them had any objection to the arrangement—"

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" cut in Sasuke.

"—so I don't see why you would have a problem with it, Tsuchikage-sama," finished Kakashi, ignoring Sasuke.

"A man marrying another man, what's the world come to?" said the Tsuchikage huffily. "What's next, necrophilia? Bestiality? Pedophilia?"

"Those can be pretty hot too," snickered Kurotsuchi.

"Put away that Twilight book, we're on duty here!" chided Akatsuchi.

"Tch," muttered Kurotsuchi, but she put her book away. Meanwhile, Lee and Neji, too recently traumatized by Kiba's videos, passed out again.

"How far have you youngsters fallen!" the Tsuchikage continued, ignoring the ruckus. "Next thing I know, you kids will be marrying your nieces, your dogs, and your kitchen tables!"

Sasuke heard an implied insult. He pointed at Naruto and yelled, "Do I look like his niece, his dog, or his kitchen table!!?"

"No, but your face still looks like a girl's," cut in Sai.

Sasuke nicked a scroll from Naruto's weapons pouch and chucked it at Sai.

"Sasuke-kun, please refrain from throwing dick-shaped objects at me," said Sai, ducking the scroll. "Naruto-kun will think that you're cheating on him."

"How about I kill you then!!" roared Sasuke, while Naruto fell out of his chair laughing.

"CHILDREN!!!" yelled Kakashi, barely audible over the entire room cracking up.

Ignoring Kakashi's attempts to restore calm, the Mizukage interjected, "With an important political marriage such as this, it is imperative to ascertain that the marriage has indeed been consummated. In such cases, it is traditional for a party of witnesses to be present during consummation. I do not think that we should dispense with this tradition."

Sakura and Temari perked up immediately. Kurotsuchi cheered, "Yeah, let's see some yaoi!!"

"AHHHH!!" shrieked Naruto and Sasuke, clinging to each other in terror.

"My Manliness has had enough of this nonsense!!" interrupted the Raikage, smashing the conference table. "EVERYBODY SHUT UP!!"

It took ten more minutes to restore order and finally move the conversation to less ridiculous matters. All the while, Gaara—who had plugged his ears with sand when the Tsuchikage had started his rant—remained blissfully unaware of the whole uproar.

* * *

It was late when Naruto and Sasuke got home that night.

While Sasuke was in the shower, Naruto went to the spare bedroom, sat down on the double bed, and thought about his dream last night. In a way, it was like all of his other dreams, in that Sasuke was somehow involved. Naruto no longer had nightmares about Sasuke dying, but, even in Naruto's usual dreams about being lost in a strange place or something, either Sasuke was with him or he was looking for Sasuke. The difference about last night's dream was that it had included some…well…ahem.

And yet, strangely enough, Naruto was not even surprised. After all, there was no one else to whom he was so close, no one else whose closeness meant so much to him. When Naruto thought about his future, the only detail that was clear to him was that Sasuke would be at his side, because Sasuke had to be there, because Naruto needed him there.

But now, what was Naruto to do…

Presently, Sasuke came out of the bathroom, stepped into the spare bedroom, and demanded, "What are you doing in my room, dobe?"

"You're sleeping in here again?" asked Naruto. "Thought you didn't like this room."

"Well, I don't want a roommate who makes a racket in his sleep," snapped Sasuke. "We can move the beds around tomorrow, if you want."

"Fine," said Naruto, thinking that this was just as well. It was better for Sasuke to not hear him say strange things in his sleep. "Well, I'm gonna shower too and go to bed. Good night."

"Hn," said Sasuke in reply, as Naruto vacated the room.

Once Naruto was out of hearing range, Sasuke let out a sigh. He no longer liked solitude; in fact, he now loathed it. But, Sasuke reminded himself, sooner or later, Naruto would have a real relationship and a de facto wife. The whole marriage thing was just a piece of paper to smooth over his return. It was stupid, not being able to sleep without Naruto around. Sasuke intended to rid himself of that habit as quickly as possible.

But it was weird, Sasuke realized. Ever since he had returned to Konoha, everything had seemed so natural with just the two of them. They had settled into a little routine, and it was unbelievable how much Sasuke had gotten used to it, how much he was unconsciously expecting things to continue that way. But what about Naruto? Now that Naruto was used to Sasuke being back, perhaps Naruto wanted to move on with his life…

_Enough,_ thought Sasuke, shaking the strange thoughts out of his head. He climbed into bed and snuggled under the covers. Maybe he would acutally get some sleep tonight…

* * *

A/N: …


	14. Night V

A/N: Naruto and Sasuke's bedroom is my favorite character in this fic^^ After this, there will be two chapters left!

* * *

Night V

* * *

Even in his sleep, a ninja must be able to hear an approaching threat, no matter how quiet it is. At the same time, a ninja must be able to tune out unimportant sounds around him, no matter how loud they are.

Sasuke's ears seemed incapable of tuning out Naruto's obnoxiously loud dreaming.

"Naruto having a nightmare is something I can fix. Naruto having a wet dream is none of my concern. So why can't I tune out the damn dobe??" muttered Sasuke, lying wide awake in his bed, listening to Naruto tossing around in the next room.

As if to mock Sasuke, Naruto's moans began growing louder and more intense.

"Damn you, damn you, damn you…" muttered Sasuke, wondering if going over and waking Naruto up would help. No, Sasuke decided. Once the idiot fell asleep again, he would just pick up his stupid dream where it had left off.

Still, Sasuke found himself getting out of bed and going over to Naruto's room. He stood in the doorway and looked inside—and immediately wished that he had not.

Naruto had his blanket squished into a human-sized pile beneath him, and he was doing all sorts of things to it—hugging, kissing, nuzzling, squeezing, various other things, etc, etc, etc.

It was just slightly disgusting.

But more than that…

Sasuke found it…a little upsetting.

"Why do I even care?" whispered Sasuke aloud, genuinely curious. "Whatever—or whoever—the dobe is dreaming about, what does it matter to me?"

Just then, Naruto started mumbling, "Sa…"

Sasuke sighed and turned to leave. There was no point in standing there and listening to Naruto dream about…

"…su…"

Sasuke froze.

"…ke…"

Slowly…

Inch by inch…

Sasuke turned back toward Naruto's bed…

Where the idiot was sleeping on his stomach…

Holding his blanket tightly underneath him…

Doing perverted-looking things to it…

Moaning again…

"…Sa…su…ke…"

It was all incredibly disturbing.

And maybe a little hilarious.

And absolutely infuriating.

Sasuke stomped over to Naruto's bed, yanked the idiot's pillow out from under his head, smacked his head with the pillow, and yelled, "DOBE, I'M OVER _HERE_!!"

_Wait,_ Sasuke realized, _that makes it sound like I want to…_

"Ahh!" Naruto was jolted-and-smacked awake—and greeted by the sight of Sasuke standing beside his bed, angrily wielding his pillow, scowling in a terrifying manner.

Naruto hurriedly sat up and tried to cover himself with his blanket.

Sasuke snatched away the offending blanket and threw it down on the floor.

"H-Hey!" objected Naruto, flushing red.

Sasuke stood there for a few seconds, looking at Naruto.

Moment of truth.

Sasuke threw down the pillow he was holding, climbed onto Naruto's bed, straddled Naruto's lap, and went in for a kiss.

For a moment, Naruto simply sat there, frozen, shocked that Sasuke had realized the truth but was not killing him for it.

By the time Naruto's brain started working again, his arms were already around Sasuke, and he was already kissing back. He pulled Sasuke closer, pressing the other boy's body harder against his own, and let out a groan against Sasuke's lips.

"Idiot," muttered Sasuke into the kiss.

Naruto smiled. "I love you too, asshole."

* * *

A/N: :D :D :D


	15. Kakashi

A/N: …

* * *

Conspirator 16: Kakashi

* * *

_MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!_

_Ahem…_

Kakashi's mental laugh was so loud that the entire village might have heard it.

Presently, Kakashi was perched outside the window of Naruto and Sasuke's bedroom, and what a sight was inside! Sasuke was sleeping on Naruto's bed, and Naruto was sleeping on Sasuke. Disappointingly, their clothes were still on, but oh well. This was considerable progress nonetheless.

"AHEM!!!" Kakashi loudly cleared his throat, awakening the boys.

"Ah!!" Sasuke awoke with a start, realized that they were not alone, and instinctively shoved Naruto off of him—and off the bed.

_Too late for that,_ snickered Kakashi silently.

"Hey! Teme, what'd you do that for!?" yelled Naruto angrily, wakened by his landing on the floor.

"Ahem," said Sasuke, glaring towards Kakashi.

"Ah, Kakashi-sensei!" said Naruto. "What are you doing here?"

"It's well past noon, and you're still sleeping?" teased Kakashi. "Geez, what were you two doing last night?"

"What do you want?" demanded Sasuke, ignoring the question.

Kakashi snickered and let it go. He replied, "I'm here to remind you two of a party being held in your honor."

"Party? What party?" asked Naruto.

"The village-wide celebration of your one-month anniversary, of course!" replied Kakashi.

* * *

Much to Kakashi's disappointment, Naruto and Sasuke made no Big Important Announcement at the party. Their friends teased them, and they responded in no way that suggested that they had spent the previous night in the same bed and in each other's arms. Kakashi considered doing some Very Pointed Teasing, but he decided against it. Sooner or later, the boys would spit it out on their own.

That night, Naruto and Sasuke returned home with a huge stash of presents from friends, neighbors, other villagers and well-wishers, and even colleagues in the ANBU.

"Wow, look at this haul!" said Naruto gleefully.

"Yes, lovely," said Sasuke, warily eyeing a gigantic box of condoms and lubricant. There was no card on the box, so it could have been from an ANBU colleague—ANBU's identities were secret, of course—or just from Kiba, who would expect them to know that it was from him.

"Aww, this is cute!" said Naruto, picking up a gift basket with a bottle of wine and two wineglasses, one with an orange ribbon tied around its stem, the other with a blue ribbon.

Sasuke made a face. "I don't like alcohol."

"You don't like anything," retorted Naruto, rolling his eyes. He picked up a box of dark chocolate truffles next and said, "Let me guess, you don't like these either."

"I _really_ don't like sweet things," said Sasuke.

"Oh, c'mon, everyone loves chocolate. Besides, this is from Sakura-chan," said Naruto. He opened the box, selected a truffle, and held it out to Sasuke, urging, "Just try one."

Sasuke scowled but reluctantly ate it.

It was…

"Not bad for a sweet," admitted Sasuke.

_So that means you like it_, thought Naruto, grinning as he popped a truffle into his own mouth and munched with relish. Then, Naruto leaned in to kiss Sasuke, and Sasuke fully returned the kiss.

Naruto waited for his chance…

…and it came when Sasuke opened his mouth to deepen the kiss.

Naruto's tongue darted in and licked at the traces of chocolate in the corners of Sasuke's mouth.

"MMFF!!" protested Sasuke, but his own tongue was quick too. He licked the chocolate back—right off of Naruto's tongue—and swallowed.

"ARGH!!" yelled Naruto, jumping on Sasuke and trying to shove his tongue down Sasuke's throat.

"ACK!!" cried Sasuke in surprise, nearly sending both of them tumbling off the couch. Sasuke fought back, trying to get past Naruto's tongue and lick at the chocolate residue in Naruto's own mouth.

The "fight" continued for a while, until every bit of chocolaty goop had been discovered and claimed.

"I won," declared Naruto, smacking his lips.

"Because I let you," Sasuke shot back.

"Whatever. Hey, let's get drunk next!" said Naruto gleefully, reaching for the wine basket.

* * *

Hours later, Naruto and Sasuke were dozed off on the couch, while the ending credits of Ino's gift—an action epic with several distracting romantic subplots—played on the TV. Their anniversary gifts were still messily strewn across the living room.

Around sunrise, Naruto awoke to a sudden movement from Sasuke. Naruto sleepily opened his eyes—and immediately realized that something was wrong. Sasuke was sitting up, clutching his abdomen, doubled over in pain. One word shot through Naruto's mind.

Poison.

In a split second, a million jumbled thoughts raced through Naruto's mind—poison—everybody had eaten at the party—what about the gifts—some were from ANBU members—but everything that Sasuke had eaten, Naruto had eaten too—and the chocolates were from Sakura—and the wine—

Naruto's eyes fell on the wineglasses on the coffee table.

One with an orange ribbon around its stem.

The other with a blue ribbon.

Naruto picked up Sasuke in his arms and held the stem of the poisoned wineglass with his teeth. With patient and poison sample, Naruto made a beeline for the hospital.

* * *

Naruto was sitting on the roof of the hospital, staring up at the wide, blue sky and trying not to think about what might happen. It was almost noon when Sakura came to find him.

"How's Sasuke?" asked Naruto immediately.

"His life is out of danger," said Sakura, smiling despite her evident exhaustion and stress.

Naruto let out a long, shuddering sigh of relief. Then, he whispered, "It was close, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," nodded Sakura. "As you can guess, that poison is one of the strongest used by our own ANBU."

Naruto's eyes narrowed.

"Naruto, you both had some of the truffles I gave you, didn't you?" asked Sakura.

"Yeah, why?" asked Naruto.

"Well…I was kinda afraid that something like this might happen," admitted Sakura, "so I laced them with an all-purpose antidote, just in case. It's not very strong, but it can slow down almost any lethal poison out there. Without it…" Sakura did not finish.

"Goddamn it," muttered Naruto. "I should have known… We've always known that something like this might happen. But we were just completely off our guard…"

"You shouldn't be on your guard," said Sakura quietly. "This is your home, yours and Sasuke-kun's."

"Obviously, somebody disagrees," said Naruto. "I thought that everything was going along wonderfully, but the people who're against all this… They weren't speaking up much, but they're still there, and they're still not convinced…" He frowned. "There's no way to find out who did it, is there? ANBU always cover their tracks…"

"Let Kakashi-sensei deal with that," said Sakura firmly. "Naruto, you have to…"

"I know," said Naruto grimly. "My job is to deal with Sasuke."

* * *

Kakashi had gathered all the Konoha ANBU, Jonin, and Chunin in the meeting room in Hokage Tower. Whoever had poisoned Sasuke—and also risked poisoning Naruto—was in the room. There were others who wished that the attempt had been successful. Kakashi knew all this, and he also knew that finding the perpetrator was impossible. Anyone who knew anything would keep silent. Besides, no ANBU—whether or not he supported reconciliation—would be willing to investigate his colleagues over this matter, and Kakashi would not ask them to.

So then, what could be done?

"When we took Sasuke back, I made it clear how this would work," began Kakashi slowly, his eyes roaming over the gathered Konoha-nin. "As long as he continued to be an asset to Konoha, we would treat him as such. If that were to stop being the case, if he turned down our gesture of reconciliation, if he wasted the opportunity presented by the defeat of Akatsuki, then that would be the end for him. And even Naruto would have to accept it."

The gathered shinobi listened in silence.

"Evidently, one or more of you were not satisfied with this arrangement," Kakashi went on. "Someone here tried to poison Sasuke. And I can understand why you did so. Sasuke has betrayed Konoha before. He once hated this village. He may still hate us. He may be trying to fool us into trusting him, or he may be susceptible to turning against us once more. And you were trying to prevent that."

A little rustling. Eyes and expressions indicating agreement.

Kakashi sighed. This whole reconciliation endeavor had been an iffy thing from the beginning… "None of us are born at the beginning of time," mused Kakashi. "All of us are burdened by our pasts, our ancestors' legacies, and our world's history. We react to what others do to us, and others react to what we do to them. If this very incident turns Sasuke against us and forces our hand against him…well, that'd be nothing new. Just one more self-fulfilling prophecy to add to the list."

More rustling. Some were not convinced that this was a problem.

"Consider the founding of Konoha, a turning point in history," said Kakashi. "Senju and Uchiha were united in their desire for peace, for stability, for an end to bloodshed. They came together, put down their weapons, and put their hopes in a better future. Hashirama was the leader of the Senju, but his vision of unity was accepted by the Uchiha. The lone voice of dissent—the only one who held on to old ideas of mistrust, suspicion, and hostility—was Madara. But his actions were all it took to bring back everyone's old ideas of mistrust, suspicion, and hostility…and so ended everyone's hopes for peace."

More rustling…this time in discomfort.

"That moment was wasted, despite all that it had taken to reach that moment," said Kakashi. "Senju and Uchiha had been enemies for as long as any of them could remember. They had hated each other, fought each other, tried to destroy each other. They had taken loved ones from each other, and they had lost loved ones to each other. And yet, despite all of that mutual loathing, they had all seen that the only way to create something better for the future was to let go of all that enmity."

More uncomfortable rustling.

Kakashi looked evenly at them all. "And what about us? What will we do now? We could relist our old grudges and grievances. We could recite a litany of accusations against the other side. We could vehemently rebut its every accusation against us. We could speculate about details that are lost to our knowledge. We could do all of that…and what would we have? One more load of bitterness to store in our hearts. One more round in the vicious cycle."

Nods of agreement from those who supported reconciliation. They were the majority in the room.

"This is the gist of what Naruto has been saying to Sasuke," Kakashi went on. "And, miraculously, it's been working. Maybe Sasuke was tired of hatred. Maybe he missed the happy days of Team 7. Maybe Naruto has given Sasuke the same light that he has given to so many others. Or, hell, maybe it's just teenage hormones. But anyways, we were making progress. They were doing their part. But now…"

The snickers that had started up at the mention of "teenage hormones" immediately died down.

"Who will it be?" demanded Kakashi. "Who will ignite the fire this time? Who will bring doubt and fear back into every heart? Who will cause this opportunity to be wasted? You don't see your actions as a problem. You are only reacting to your assessment of a threat to Konoha. And you are right. But don't you see? It was the same for Madara. He had wanted to protect his clan. He had seen the Senju as a threat. He had not believed in peace. He made others lose their faith in peace. And now…you do not believe in peace. And you give your descendants no reason to believe in peace. And peace will never be had, not by your generation, not by the next generation, not by anyone."

Utter silence.

"Is this our fate?" demanded Kakashi. "Well, the next generation has spoken. They do not accept it."

More silence.

After a few moments, Sai raised a hand and asked, "Hokage-sama, what if Sasuke does turn against Konoha now?"

Kakashi silently thanked Sai—a member of Team 7 and an enthusiastic supporter of the Conspiracy—for asking that question aloud.

"As I said, if Sasuke turns against Konoha, then we will defend our village," said Kakashi. "And history will declare that peace cannot exist…and that even a small step of progress is beyond our reach."

The silence was heavy in the air.

Kakashi let out a sigh. "It's up to Naruto now."

* * *

According to Sakura, Sasuke's condition was mostly stable now. He was merely in a deep sleep, not in a coma. His breathing was soft but steady.

Naruto sat by Sasuke's bed until he was too tired to sit up. At that point, Naruto climbed into the hospital bed and cuddled up with Sasuke, holding the other boy in his arms. Within minutes, Naruto was fast asleep.

Night had fallen when Naruto was awakened by a small stirring of sound and movement. By the time Naruto had fully opened his eyes, Sasuke was gone.

* * *

A/N: …


	16. Unbreakable

Aside: I hope (perhaps in vain) that Kishi doesn't turn Tobi into an Absolute Evil. He's much more interesting as a character with simple human grudges and resentments^^

A/N: Last chapter!

* * *

Unbreakable

_

* * *

_

Can I do it?

That was Sasuke's question to himself as he walked towards Konoha's gate. Could he really leave again, when there were no loved ones to avenge, no supposed murderer to hunt down? Could he really leave a place where he and his sworn enemies had confronted the truth together and tried to overcome it? Could he…

Could he really leave _him_ again?

It was time to find out…

…oh, dear.

When Sasuke got to the gate, he found that all of their year-mates were there, waiting for him—and very much blocking the gateway.

"What do you think you're doing?" Sasuke demanded at all of them.

Nobody answered. They continued to stand there, looking at him, silent determination in their eyes.

Sasuke glared back. Several moments passed in silence.

Then, a familiar voice behind Sasuke said, "Hey! There you are!"

Sasuke turned. Coming up behind him was, of course, Naruto. The others merely watched, saying nothing.

"Sasuke, where are you going?" asked Naruto.

"I don't know," admitted Sasuke. "Just away from here."

"You want to leave again?" said Naruto, frowning. "Why? What is there for you out there? No home. No friends. No resolution. No future."

"Is there a future for me here?" questioned Sasuke.

"Of course, there is!" replied Naruto immediately. "And you know it. That's why you stayed in the first place."

Sasuke shook his head. "I admit, I really did hope that this would work, and I don't regret trying. But I can't sit around here waiting for someone to kill me. I won't die the same way my family did, in the same village, for the same reasons, for the same suspicions of the same people."

"It's not the same at all!" insisted Naruto. "Everything's out in the open now, and most of us don't want to repeat the past. We want peace! We want to make this work!"

"But what if it doesn't work?" demanded Sasuke. "Naruto, I _won't_ die like that."

Naruto looked thoughtful for a moment. Then, he said slowly, "Sasuke… We made a lifelong commitment to each other…"

"Don't start with that," sighed Sasuke, a wry smile twitching on his lips.

"I mean it, Sasuke!" declared Naruto. "Do you really want to be alone again? No one to fall asleep with? No one to hold you when you're having a nightmare? No one to be there for you every day and keep you close every night?"

"Tch," muttered Sasuke. Naruto grinned at the slight flush on Sasuke's cheeks.

"You don't want to be alone anymore, and neither do I," said Naruto, reaching out to grasp Sasuke's hand. "Whatever happens, we'll stay together. Whatever obstacle comes, we'll face it together. I told you, I won't let what happened to your family happen again. I won't let you die like that."

"But you can't stop every assassination attempt," said Sasuke softly. "And you can't stop human mistrust."

"Maybe not, but I can make them think twice," said Naruto. He looked straight into Sasuke's eyes. "All of Konoha will know that wherever you go, I will follow you. To the afterlife, to oblivion, to the gates of Hell, or even beyond those gates."

Sasuke stared. "What does that mean?" he demanded. "That we'll die together?"

"No, it means we can _live_ together! You're not alone, Sasuke. I won't leave you alone." Naruto leaned close and dropped his voice to a whisper. "We're both putting our lives on the line for this…for peace…and for each other. Stay with me, Sasuke, and we'll deal with all of it together…because I love you…and you love me too."

Naruto's face was inches from Sasuke's…but Naruto only stood there, waiting.

After a moment, Sasuke closed his fingers around Naruto's. Then, he closed the distance between their lips.

An earsplitting chorus of fangirlish screams broke out from the female onlookers.

The entire village not only was awakened but also knew exactly what that meant, and applause broke out everywhere. From shinobi on guard duty to civilians in their homes, from those out enjoying the nightlife to those lying in their beds, a sea of cheers rose from the villagers and echoed through the night.

* * *

"As all of you are well aware, Operation Matchmaker has been an absolute success. So then, what have we learned? What insight have we gained into our world, or human nature, or the human heart?"

"We have to believe in the power of love!"

"And the power of tasteless jokes!"

"Indeed, the combination of youthful ideals, youthful love, and youthful tastelessness is unstoppable!"

"When I have in-laws, I'm gonna take them to a Korean barbecue."

"Yes, Korean barbecue makes everything better!"

"I learned what 'hook up' means."

"I learned what 'orgy' means…very much against my will."

"Remember kiddos, sex—like everything—is better with ninjas!"

"Yaoi's hot!"

"We should plant some seeds, grow a Zetsu, and train it on Naruto and Sasuke's window."

"I've learned that Hokage-sama is the worst matchmaker-in-chief ever. Let's face it. Most of us did nothing but crack jokes at those two, and it's really a miracle that they got together despite our 'help.'"

"ALL OF YOU CLEAR OUT OF MY OFFICE."

* * *

A/N: *squeee*

Thank you so much everyone, for reading, reviewing, faving, etc! Your reviews put big, happy grins on my face! :D I'm very happy with how this crack premise turned out, and I hope you are too^^

Please leave me a review with your final thoughts and impressions!

Much love from,

The Deuteragonist


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